Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
