You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
