i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
