dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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