i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Alive.
So much puke
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
