Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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