Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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