I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
high people should be assigned attendants
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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