Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
