we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
the raccoons are back...
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