we're blogging at a bar
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
