Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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