then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
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