the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
