when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
