Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
