dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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