I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
