I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
