all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
