I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
