Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
