Jerry, you need to find god
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
