I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
