yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
