I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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