If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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