Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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