i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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