oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
