All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
