your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
