She's like a pop up book from hell.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm having to shit out rocks
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