YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
