i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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