TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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