he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish i was in the wii world.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
