this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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