So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
