he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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