I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
