i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
