Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
