we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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