just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
