Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
