I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
