sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
so much tequila, so little girl.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
