I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
