stop calling my apartment porn island.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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