i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
