He called his prostate his "boner button".
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
